I'm In Love With A Few Hundred Girls

Tamara Mowatt

Okay, not literally.

In Oklahoma City this past week, over 62,000 sports fans gathered to watch an event. Basketball? No. Baseball? No. Spring football practices? Nope.

Women's fast pitch softball. The NCAA Women's College World Series, to be precise.

Wow, that's a lot of boyfriends and relatives, huh?

Ehhhhhhh.....no. Thousands of people just might be onto something here.

Tonight, behind pitcher Taryne Mowatt, the Arizona Wildcats defeated the Tennessee Lady Vols in the decisive third game to repeat as national champions. This was after one of the absolute best games I've ever seen on a collegiate level that was played last night.

Aside from having homer feelings for the Pac-10 team, Arizona, I had no real rooting interest in this series. But I couldn't stop watching it. I'm bummed that it's over. This should've been best of five and not best of three.

Tennessee had been a heavy favorite with their pitcher, Monica Abbott, coming into this tournament. As I watched her, I could see why.

I saw her pound in fastballs, and something called a "riseball". I saw Taryne throw change up after change up, freezing batters in the box and the bottom somehow dropped out of the ball time after time.

As I watched these games, I kept wondering: why isn't there a professional league for fast pitch softball? Why are these girls' careers over after college, except for international competition?

As it turns out, there actually is a professional fast pitch softball league. It's called National Pro Fastpitch.

Yeah, I hadn't heard of it either. And that's a shame.

So we have Mark Cuban, owner of the NBA's Dallas Mavericks, and some others wanting to start up a new football league. Save yourself the trouble, boys. Anyone and everyone who goes up against the NFL loses, and loses hard.

The XFL? Gone. The World Football League? Gone. The United States Football League? Gone.

You guys want to make an impact on the world of sports? Go fund National Pro Fastpitch. Buy the teams and pump some money in there. Or start your own league.

The investment won't be all that much. These women won't be screaming for millions. Well not yet, anyway. Establish a league minimum of 70,000 a season to start.

You want stars? We got some stars for you. In addition to Taryne, how about Monica?

Cat Osterman?

Jenny Finch?

Jessica Mendoza?

India Chiles?

Now I can hear some skeptics saying "Oh, I play softball on the weekends.....big deal." Uh, you haven't played THIS softball on the weekends. Hey, I defy any weekend warrior to haul his beer gut out there and try to hit a pitch off of Finch, Abbott, or Mowatt. He'd look like the true fool he is.

Also, so WHAT if people play in rec leagues? People play in basketball, baseball, tennis and golf rec leagues. And they play in rec leagues because they're not good enough to be professionals.

I played more tennis tournaments than I can count. I hauled in a bunch of trophies, too.

And yet none of them were from Wimbledon. Get where I'm going here, naysayers? These ladies are the best at what they do. They are talented, charismatic, team-oriented, and an absolute blast to watch. Well, when there actually IS a chance to watch.

No, this league will never fill the stadiums like major league baseball or the NFL. But it could work, especially with enough money and the right marketing behind it. It'll work with people who've grown weary of the crybabies and steroid abusers in the "mainstream" sports. It'll work with people who want to take their kids to a sporting event and not have to spend a couple of hundred bucks to do so.

Just ask Peyton Manning, who called Abbott to wish her luck during the Series. Last I heard, that guy was a pretty decent athlete himself. Or Phil Fulmer, head coach of Tennessee's football team. Or Pat Summit, the head coach of the Lady Vols basketball team, who attended in person with Fulmer.

One last thought: Wouldn't it be a shame if this were the last time we got to see Abbott and Mowatt face off against each other?

The Akron Racers rock!

(originally posted 6-7-2007)

Provincialism, Thy Name Is Homer.

"Why you little...........!"

Uh, sorry Homer. I didn't mean YOU.

Okay, at the risk of this totally turning into a Browns 24/7 blog.....

Today I saw an article on ClevelandBrowns.com. Our coach, Romeo Crennel was at one of the many luncheons that head football coaches go to during the offseason. He took some time to answer questions, of course. Now, allow me to cut and paste a section of the article (written by Steve King of ClevelandBrowns.com):

Why the Browns don't draft more Ohio State players.

"We're very aware of the talent level at Ohio State, but we can't take all the players available in the draft. It all depends on how our board is stacked, and when it gets to our turn, we've got to determine what player offers the most value for the Cleveland Browns."

Simple enough, huh? How many times, OSU/Browns homer, do we have to discuss it? I wish I could've been there. I wouldn't have been QUITE as diplomatic. Here's MY response:

"Shut your fucking mouth. You don't build a winning football team by only drafting your little heroes, you stupid asshole. Remember Butch Davis? Wasn't too successful by only drafting guys he coached and recruited when he was at the University of Miami, was he? Yet when it comes to the Browns, all you want are your OSU players. Grow up. Quit sniveling for guys who grew up in Cleveland or guys who went to Ohio State. When you draft players, you draft the best ones. Period. Now, may I come down and beat the provincial fuck out of you, or would you prefer that I give you time for one last masturbation session with your picture of Troy Smith?"

Here's another example. In the 2004 draft--Phil Savage's first with the Browns--he selected Brodney Pool out of Oklahoma. Brodney's a starting safety for the Browns and is turning out to be a great pick. He was selected in the second round, and will turn out to be an absolute steal.

After the draft, Phil held a news conference where he took calls from the fans. I listened to it over the internet. So one fuckass calls in and is pissed. He wants to know why Savage didn't select OSU placekicker Mike Nugent in the second round. Savage had to explain about taking the best available player, etc..... (Nugent went in the second to the Jets.)

Here's another reason: we already HAD a pretty good fucking placekicker, Phil Dawson. Here's yet another reason: you DON'T take kickers in the second fucking round, especially when you're coming off a horrible season.

Homers, try actually LEARNING something about football, okay? I'm sick and tired of listening to you shitheads whining and crying all year. And not just the ones in Cleveland. Houston fans cried and screamed last year for Vince Young. One, because he did some seriously good shit in college. But that was always followed by something to the effect of, "And he's a local kid!" Whoooooopppppeeeee! WHO CARES?

Hey, remember last year? Yeah, you OSU guys don't want to talk about THAT. Well, I do. You wanted to trade away a ton of picks to move up and get AJ Hawk, a lineback from.....OSU. Now AJ's gonna be great. I agree. But hey, didn't we do just as well by staying put and taking Kamerion Wimbley? Yeah, the guy who had 11 sacks playing behind our crapfest of a defensive line. Uh huh.

Oh, and had we traded up to get Hawk (by the way, Savage did call Green Bay to see if they'd be interested in a swap; they weren't), we wouldn't have been able to draft D'Qwell Jackson, who's already proving to be a solid addition to the team.

Or Travis Wilson in the third, who'll be a valuable addition to our group of wide receivers.

And we might've missed out in the fourth round, where we drafted offensive lineman Isaac Sowells. He's only going to be competing for a starting job this season. If he doesn't start, he'll be a valuable backup.

Do you get it yet? Hello, hello, is there anybody out there?

Or is this just Greek to you?

Most Browns fans are fine. Really, it's just a small percentage of them who act like this. But fools always scream the loudest and thus are the most annoying. And I'm sure Pittsburgh has its homers screaming for Penn State players. And Houston and Dallas has their homers screaming for guys who play college ball in the Lone Star state. And on and on.

One poster on my favorite Browns site put it best. "I hate OSU. I hate how I have to hear how you guys scream and whine for your favorite college players every year."

I actually don't hate OSU. I dont' hate their fans. I don't care about OSU one way or the other. But he nailed it perfectly: the whining and sniveling for your local heroes gets old. STFU already.

One homer/poster at my site once criticized WR Braylon Edwards for the unpardonable sin of participating in a charity fashion show several months ago. He wrote "Well, we have to remember his morals and what school he's from (Michigan)." Now, Braylon has the narcissist tag on him that most wide receivers have. But this was too much. What, was he supposed to go out and beat up strippers or something?

Funny, this poster hasn't said anything about Braylon donating a million dollars of his own money this week to establish a scholarship foundation for underpriviledged kids in Cleveland.

It's called the Advance 100 Program. Braylon selected 100 eighth graders for the program. When they graduate in 2011, they'll receive $10,000 in scholarship money if they meet certain requirements.

From the article (courtesy of Zac Richmond of ClevelandBrowns.com):

"This is a chance for you guys to take this opportunity and run with it," he said during his presentation. "I'm committed to this, and I want you guys to be committed, too. I don't want 97 percent or 85 percent four years from now. I want 100 students in college."

Program participants are required to maintain a grade point average of 2.5 or better and to accumulate at least 15 hours of community service each year, while displaying exemplary citizenship and conduct. They will not be allowed any unexcused absences. In an effort to equip participants for success, the program will provide mentoring and tutoring.

And in 2011, Braylon will pick another 100 students for the program. Then he'll pick another hundred every year or every other year. Yeah, this guy has low morals. What a scumbag.

Anyway, that poster was too much for me. I challenged him on it. I asked him how attending a certain college meant you had lower morals. He did not respond. My position was supported by most of those who responded. And by "most", I mean "every one".

This poster said NOTHING about the Browns signing convicted drug dealer Jamal Lewis. Apparently, in his world, attending Michigan is worse than being a convicted drug dealer.

What the fuck? HUH?

This same poster moaned and cried about his "beloved Troy (Smith)" going to the Ravens. Beloved? Gonna drive to Baltimore and give him a blow job? Enough already! Needless to say, I didn't bother responding to this post. He's too much of a fan to speak rationally.

Here's another question for the homers: Would we really have been better off with Troy Smith than Brady Quinn? Uh, no. No way. Not in any realm of reality. And I say this as a guy who likes Smith and his abilities. Quinn's better. I think Quinn will be better than Matt Leinart. And I LOVE Matt Leinart. He's my boy.

Let me put this in a non-sports context. Say you get millions of dollars or whatever to start your own company. Doesn't matter what kind of company, only that it's going to compete against the biggest hitters out there.

Now, say you have access to every high level college in the country to bring in the top graduates to work for you. You can only hire recent college graduates. And throw this in: anybody you select will accept your offer. You have the money to pay whatever that person he/she would get on the open market.

Now do you go to Harvard, Yale, Wharton, USC, OSU, and many other great colleges? Or do you go to the local community college and draft the latest honorees on the dean's list?

Exactly. You hit every high level educational institution out there. You want to win. You want to build the best company you can. And that means you bring in the best and the brightest. You don't, you fail. Hey, if someone's local, that's a bonus and nothing more. If somebody's great at what they do, and a solid citizen, who CARES where they're from?

Hey, nothing against community colleges. I went to one. I'd go to one again. But if you hire ME over somebody from MIT to run your engineering department, you're an idiot, a moron, and absolutely deserve to fail. Actually, you deserve to be hit in the head with a mallet.

So why does this behavior piss me off so much? Because I feel that sport, in it's purest form, is fun and a great thing. I played sports as a kid. I spent years on the tennis court trying to become a better player. I won a few tournaments, but overall, I probably lost more matches than I won.

I was never great, but so what? I loved it. It taught me that if I wasn't good enough, I wouldn't get my way and win. It taught me to lose with grace. It taught me that I could only get better by working hard. It taught me that in competitive situations, not even a point is given to somebody. Not a single point.

Homerism takes that joy out of sports. It's truly the anti-thesis of being a real sports fan. It's a slavish devotion that blinds people to how great it is that we can root for--and against--certain teams and leave it at that.

And you know who the ultimate homer is? The screaming, irrational parent in the stands demanding that his/her kid play no matter the kid's ability. The parent that makes the other parents--the ones who are there to watch and enjoy their child playing--cringe. There's your ultimate homer. They're just a tiny percentage of sports parents out there, yet these lunatics make the experience blow for everybody who has to suffer from being around them.

Yes, I make fun of the Sacramento Kings. Yet if we had a chance to steal one of their players, I'd be all for it. I hate the San Francisco Giants, yet I'd steal one of their best players as well (except, of course, for Bonds).

Now, homers of the world, from California to New York...from the Pacific to the Atlantic.....from the North Pole to the South Pole......pay attention. Owl is going to explain how to handle losing your favorite college players to the pros. I'll even explain how to root for Troy Smith, even though he went to those hated Ravens.

Root for them to do well. You don't have to root for their teams to do well. Root for them as individuals. You don't think I root for Reggie Bush and Matt Leinart? You don't think I'll be smiling every time Dwayne Jarrett makes a spectacular one-handed catch?

Root for AJ. Root for Ted Ginn, Jr. Root for AJ. You SHOULD pull for them. You SHOULD wish them the absolute best. You should be proud of them when they do well.

But like me, just don't root for them when they play the Browns.

It's just that easy.

(originally posted 5-19-2007)

Photoshop Fun

:) True, dat!

(originally posted 5-18-2007)

Me, I'd Rather Hear What Jason Has To Say.

Jason Whitlock

I COULD say something about the piling on and hysteria over Don Imus' stupid remarks. But why should I work when I have a guy like Jason Whitlock offering HIS perspective. I've long been a fan of Jason's, and fucking ESPN fires him (and a great analyst named David Aldrige) and keeps losers like Jim Rome, Stuart Scott, Mike Greenburg and Stephen A. Smith on their payroll.

ESPN: As always, celebrating style over substance.

Anyway, I love Jason. I don't always agree with him, but most of the time I do. He makes his points not with shill catchphrases, but with well crafted arguments. There are just people who when they talk, you listen.

For me, Cowherd and Whitlock are two of them.

Here's Whitlock's Bio. He's been around awhile. Scroll down just a bit to hit the actual article.

Jason Whitlock's Bio

Jason Whitlock has the most unique,important and insightful voice in the world of sports. Operating from his Midwest base, Whitlock's willingness to address sports' most complex and controversial issues in a straight forward, agendaless manner has made his columns must-read material for journalists, broadcasters, athletes, coaches, executives, educators and anyone able to see the parallels between real life and sports. Whitlock also specializes in mixing in heavy doses of sarcasm and humor.

He's been a columnist at the Kansas City Star since Sept. of 1994.

He's a graduate of Ball State University. He lettered in football at BSU in 1987 and 1988, blocking for 10-year NFL veteran Bernie Parmalee. Whitlock is also the president and lone surviving member of the Jeff George Fan Club. Whitlock and the bad-boy quarterback grew up in the same neighborhood and won a state championship together at Indianapolis Warren Central High School.

Time for Jackson, Sharpton to Step Down

Pair See Potential for Profit, Attention in Imus Incident

By JASON WHITLOCK

AOL

I’m calling for Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton, the president and vice president of Black America, to step down.

Their leadership is stale. Their ideas are outdated. And they don’t give a damn about us.

We need to take a cue from White America and re-elect our leadership every four years. White folks realize that power corrupts. That’s why they placed term limits on the presidency. They know if you leave a man in power too long he quits looking out for the interest of his constituency and starts looking out for his own best interest.

We’ve turned Jesse and Al into Supreme Court justices. They get to speak for us for a lifetime.

Why?

If judged by the results they’ve produced the last 20 years, you’d have to regard their administration as a total failure. Seriously, compared to Martin and Malcolm and the freedoms and progress their leadership produced, Jesse and Al are an embarrassment.

Their job the last two decades was to show black people how to take advantage of the opportunities Martin and Malcolm won.

Have we at the level we should have? No.

Rather than inspire us to seize hard-earned opportunities, Jesse and Al have specialized in blackmailing white folks for profit and attention. They were at it again last week, helping to turn radio shock jock Don Imus’ stupidity into a world-wide crisis that reached its crescendo Tuesday afternoon when Rutgers women’s basketball coach Vivian Stringer led a massive pity party/recruiting rally.

Hey, what Imus said, calling the Rutgers players "nappy-headed hos," was ignorant, insensitive and offensive. But so are many of the words that come out of the mouths of radio shock jocks/comedians.

Imus’ words did no real damage. Let me tell you what damaged us this week: the sports cover of Tuesday’s USA Today. This country’s newspaper of record published a story about the NFL and crime and ran a picture of 41 NFL players who were arrested in 2006. By my count, 39 of those players were black.

You want to talk about a damaging, powerful image, an image that went out across the globe?

We’re holding news conferences about Imus when the behavior of NFL players is painting us as lawless and immoral. Come on. We can do better than that. Jesse and Al are smarter than that.

Had Imus’ predictably poor attempt at humor not been turned into an international incident by the deluge of media coverage, 97 percent of America would’ve never known what Imus said. His platform isn’t that large and it has zero penetration into the sports world.

Imus certainly doesn’t resonate in the world frequented by college women. The insistence by these young women that they have been emotionally scarred by an old white man with no currency in their world is laughably dishonest.

The Rutgers players are nothing more than pawns in a game being played by Jackson, Sharpton and Stringer.

Jesse and Al are flexing their muscle and setting up their next sting. Bringing down Imus, despite his sincere attempts at apologizing, would serve notice to their next potential victim that it is far better to pay up than stand up to Jesse and Al James.

Stringer just wanted her 15 minutes to make the case that she’s every bit as important as Pat Summitt and Geno Auriemma. By the time Stringer’s rambling, rapping and rhyming 30-minute speech was over, you’d forgotten that Tennessee won the national championship and just assumed a racist plot had been hatched to deny the Scarlet Knights credit for winning it all.

Maybe that’s the real crime. Imus’ ignorance has taken attention away from Candace Parker’s and Summitt’s incredible accomplishment. Or maybe it was Sharpton’s, Stringer’s and Jackson’s grandstanding that moved the spotlight from Tennessee to New Jersey?

None of this over-the-top grandstanding does Black America any good.

We can’t win the war over verbal disrespect and racism when we have so obviously and blatantly surrendered the moral high ground on the issue. Jesse and Al might win the battle with Imus and get him fired or severely neutered. But the war? We don’t stand a chance in the war. Not when everybody knows “nappy-headed ho’s” is a compliment compared to what we allow black rap artists to say about black women on a daily basis.

We look foolish and cruel for kicking a man who went on Sharpton’s radio show and apologized. Imus didn’t pull a Michael Richards and schedule an interview on Letterman. Imus went to the Black vice president’s house, acknowledged his mistake and asked for forgiveness.

Let it go and let God.

We have more important issues to deal with than Imus. If we are unwilling to clean up the filth and disrespect we heap on each other, nothing will change with our condition. You can fire every Don Imus in the country, and our incarceration rate, fatherless-child rate, illiteracy rate and murder rate will still continue to skyrocket.

A man who doesn’t respect himself wastes his breath demanding that others respect him.

We don’t respect ourselves right now. If we did, we wouldn’t call each other the N-word. If we did, we wouldn’t let people with prison values define who we are in music and videos. If we did, we wouldn’t call black women bitches and hos and abandon them when they have our babies.

If we had the proper level of self-respect, we wouldn’t act like it’s only a crime when a white man disrespects us. We hold Imus to a higher standard than we hold ourselves. That’s a (freaking) shame.

We need leadership that is interested in fixing the culture we’ve adopted. We need leadership that makes all of us take tremendous pride in educating ourselves. We need leadership that can reach professional athletes and entertainers and get them to understand that they’re ambassadors and play an important role in defining who we are and what values our culture will embrace.

It’s time for Jesse and Al to step down. They’ve had 25 years to lead us. Other than their accountants, I’d be hard pressed to find someone who has benefited from their administration.

(originally posted 4-12-2007)

Le Anne Schreiber--Ombudsblowhard

Colin Cowherd

My absolute favorite radio sports show host, Colin Cowherd, got himself into some trouble last week. I actually listened to this incident while Mrs. Owl and I drove up Northern Georgia last Thursday.

Anyway, ESPN's "ombudsman", Le Anne Something or other came out with this statement. I'm a hopeless shill for Cowherd--I love the guy. But let's allow Le Anne the time to talk. Of course, I shall interrupt her several times.

Cowherd's 'attack' on blog: 'Zero tolerance'

By Le Anne Schreiber
ESPN Ombudsman

Shortly after introducing myself to ESPN's audience in my first column Thursday, I checked the ombudsman's mailbag. It was jammed with dozens of messages of outraged complaint against ESPN Radio's Colin Cowherd, who had called on his listeners that afternoon to shut down an Internet site by flooding it with visitors beyond the capacity of its bandwidth.

Dozens? Cwherd's show is listened to by millions. Wow, we got a crisis.

The "random site" he chose to attack was thebiglead.com, a sports blog that is sometimes unmercifully critical of ESPN. "We shut it down in 90 seconds," Cowherd boasted on air. "We don't even know thebiglead." After a bit more gloating, he said "We apologize -- but just don't screw with us." Then he asked his listeners to "knock it out again, just for fun." The attack launched over the airwaves by Cowherd kept thebiglead.com shut down for more than 48 hours.

oating? He wasn't gloating. He was fucking around, but not gloating. And if you had actually takenany fucking time to listen to Cowherd's other broadcasts, you would probably realize that his "don't screw with us" quote was said IN JEST. Actually, you probably just read the transcripts and didn't bother to actually listen to a tape of the show.

Some of the politer terms my correspondents used to describe Cowherd's behavior were immature, irresponsible, arrogant, malicious, destructive and dumb. I agree.

Nobody fucking cares if you agree or not.

The official response from ESPN's communication department was: "Our airwaves should not be used for this purpose. We apologize." It is the kind of bland public statement that does little to assuage the anger and distrust of ESPN's audience over an episode like this.

"Assuage"? Word of the day toilet paper, I guess. Mizz Pompous needs to understand one thing: ESPN, hello, apologized.

I could not tell from that statement how seriously ESPN regarded the offense, so I contacted Traug Keller, senior vice president, ESPN Radio, to get a clearer idea of ESPN's reaction.

Um, you couldn't? ESPN never apologizes for anything. If they do, it's obvious that they're taking this seriously.

Keller responded immediately to my request for an on-the-record statement. "We talked to Colin Cowherd, and we talked to all our radio talent, making it clear that you cannot do this," Keller said Friday. "Our airwaves are a trust, and not to be used to hurt anyone's business. Such attacks are off limits. Zero tolerance. I can't say it any stronger."

Keller said that he had not formulated a policy about such attacks on Internet sites until now because he had never imagined the possibility of them.

I appreciated Keller's quick, forthright response.

You you you you you you you you.........

Now that ESPN Radio has such a policy, I presume such attacks will be treated as an offense that warrants suspension. In determining penalties for his airwave players, perhaps Keller should exchange notes with NBA commissioner David Stern and NFL commissioner Roger Goodell.

WHAT? Yeah, what Cowherd did is right along the lines of what NBA and NFL criminals do. Yeah, that was as bad as selling drugs, hording guns, public intoxication, drunk driving, and beating the snot out of your wife.

Okay. What kind of scary ass moral barometer do YOU abide by, Le Anne?

This is not the planned second posting I mentioned at the end of Thursday's introductory column. That will come later this week.

Goody. I can't wait to not read it.

But I'm not a negative person. In fact, I'd like to help her out by pointing out some instances that should raise her moral outrage.

Keith Olbermann

Asshole appears on Dan Patrick's ESPN radio show. Last year, some emailers took issue with some things he said on his television show, "Countdown", which appears on another network. Keith doesn't like criticism and threw in phrases like "you don't know you're asshole from your elbow," and "go fuck your mother" when he responded.

Now I'm sure Le Anne would say, "Oh, that's related to 'Countdown' and not us." Uh, that would be bullshit, but okay. How about Keith calling the owner of the NHL's Carolina Hurricanes a "douche bag"? THAT was on Patrick's show.

ESPN did nothing. Step up to the plate, Le Anne. Or is there a statute of limitations on moral outrage?

Jim Rome

What about the time Jim Rome urged his listeners to go to an anti-Ashlee Simpison website so many times they shut THAT down? Sure, Rome's radio show isn't part of ESPN, but his shitty television show is. Where's the outrage? Oh that's right--this shallow asshole is one of ESPN's golden boys. He also couldn't shine Cowherd's shoes.

Sean Salisbury

I heard no apologies--or explanations--for the brief suspension of NFL analyst Sean "I hate the Browns" Salisbuy (rumor has it that he took pictures of his pecker and showed them to some female employees). In fact, ESPN never even mentioned that Salisbury was gone. Go figure.

Michael Irvin

What about the time then-NFL analyst Michael Irvin was caught with drug paraphenalia?

Or when he shot his mouth off about Dallas QB Tony Romo's athletic ability? He said Romo's great great grandmother must've "snuck into the barn with a slave".

You know. Because a white guy with any athleticism must have SOME black blood running through his veins. Irvin was never sanctioned and allowed to work until his contract ran out. Then his services--horrible as they are/were--were not "retained". How convienent.

The Ohio State Controversy

I'm not an OSU fan (like I even needed to say that), but I was on their side during THIS mess.

Back in 2004, former OSU running back Maurice Clarette levelled serious accusations against the university he had attended for one year. There were hard feelings between Clarette and OSU.

ESPN The Horrible Magazine reporter, Tom Friend, didn't feel that Maurice's possible motivation should be factored in and wrote his article about this huge scandal at OSU. He was serving as Maurice's mouthpiece and publicizing tons of wild accusations. I guess a malcontent who had already been busted for attempted insurance fraud was a good source, huh?

ESPN television and radio gave this "story" hours and hours of coverage. They beat OSU down like a rug.

So the NCAA came down and did it's own investigation. And believe me, if the NCAA is in your office and you've done something wrong, you're fucked. Several months later, OSU was found guilty.

Of two minor rules infractions.

No retractions. No mention of this from any ESPN media outlet.

Okay, Le Anne. Right this injustice and rip ESPN for this. NOW.

Oh, and Tom Friend, worthless piece of trash that he is, often appears on Rome's television show.

Water seeks its own level, right?

Anyway, ESPN couldn't sweep Colin's comments under the rug or just pretend they didn't happen. So they pulled out their paid "antagonist". You know.....someone paid by ESPN to "keep them in line."

Utter nonsense. And really, that's what the whole concept of an "ombudsman" is. "I'm on YOUR side, even though I'm getting paid by the offending company". By definition, it's a public relations role and nothing more. An ombudsman's objectivity doesn't exist. It can't.

So spare me your bullshit moral outrage, lady. Until you're ready to really confront some issues that ESPN has covered up, ignored and swept under the rug, I don't want to hear it.

Why don't you criticize your predecessor for not bringing up these prior issues? Why don't you bring them up yourself? Oh, I know this is only her 2nd column, but she'll never address them. ESPN won't allow it.

Funny that she never mentioned that this is the only time Cowherd has gotten into this type of mess. I know that to judge him from this one incident would be an injustice. He's truly the anti-thesis of the normal big mouths like Rome that pollute our airwaves. He's an excellent interviewer and simply puts on the best show in the business.

Now Cowher is justifably a target. I make no excuses for this. He messed up. I understand this. It's just a shame he was the only target of Le Anne Whatshername's indignation.

And not the most deserving one at that.

(originally posted 4-10-2007)

A Tale Of Two Players

Daylon McCutcheon.

More football. But bear with me. Start with bad, end with the good.

One of my favorite posters at my favorite Browns site had this to say about Jamal "Cell Phone Coke Dealer" Lewis. He's in the military and stationed in Germany. He's long been one of my favorites at that site for a long time.

"I love the Browns, I was against this guy when the rumors started to fly. I did not want him, I do not want him, I will not like him.

A man has to be led by his principle and not his preferences. I will not trash the guy, but he will not get my support even if he does mange to earn my respect (which i doubt).

I can translate his desire to retire a Brown for you, he hopes to take a lot of $$$ from Browns fans."

I could not have said it better myself.

A person has to be lead by thier principle and not their preferences.

That's absolutely brilliant. I wish I had come up with that.

The support for Lewis joining the Browns at that site is overwhelmingly positive on this signing. This isn't a Browns fan deal either. Most fans are homers at heart (including yours truly) and are willing to overlook a player's past indiscretions when he joins their favorite team.

A handful of others, including myself, are not. At least not in this case.

I'd also like to point out that Eric Steinbach, whom we just signed, was busted last year for operating his boat under the influence. Okay, that's wrong. Absolutely. But aside from that, Steinbach's character is solid. While boating and drinking is foolish and dangerous not only to one's self, but to others, nobody was hurt. And it's not quite the same thing as drinking and driving.

How many people would've been hurt had Lewis' drug deal not fallen through? How many people would've overdosed? How many people would've had to been scraped off of their dashboards after being hit by a coked-up driver?

Lewis never apologized. He never owned up to what he did (or tried to do, to be more accurate). His explanation? The government set him up.

Here's a quote from Jamal from his press conference:

"I know you're used to rooting against me, but I hope you'll be happy I'm on your side of the field now. Hopefully you'll welcome me like anybody else. I plan to come in and do my job and entertain the fans, have a good time and win some ballgames."

Don't hold your breath, buddy. I'm NOT happy your on my side of the field, Jamal. It sickens me. You sicken me. You're ex-teammate Ray Lewis (no relation) sickens me. Like Ray, you never stood up and said, "I fucked up. I'm sorry." That would've made this whole signing a cause to be happy. You'll never be a real Brown. Not that you care about that anyway.

Let's move on to one of the good guys of the NFL.

Up until today, we had only two of the original members of the 1999 expansion team left. Now there's only one left, our placekicker, Phil Dawson.

Cornerback Daylon McCutcheon was released by the team today. Daylon's had injury issues the last couple of years and went through microfracture surgery this past season. For all intents and purposes, his career is over.

Daylon's NFL career, if he does indeed retire, will be filled with memories of eight losing seasons and one trip to the playoffs.

Homer alert here: Daylon's from USC.

Daylon shocked his mother last year. He went back to school and finished up his degree. While he was finishing up his schoolwork, he was able to walk through graduation cereomnies.

So what? Lots of people do that, right? Yeah, but........

When Daylon left school to join the NFL, his mother was extremely disappointed. She's a teacher and wanted nothing more than her son to graduate from college. Over the next several years, she nagged and nagged him about finishing up.

So a few years ago, Daylon started taking extension courses with an eye toward graduating. Mom was thrilled. Well, she WOULD have been had he actually told her.

Last Mother's Day, Daylon conspired with some of his mom's friends. They told her that they were all going to lunch. Instead, they drove her to USC, where she saw her son standing on the sidewalk in a cap and gown waiting for his mom.

Daylon mentioned during the news story on this that he planned on teaching after his playing days are done. Well, it looks like that day has come, and our loss is the education field's gain. I personally hope that he can make a comeback with another team and hold off his teaching career for a few more years.

On a sidenote: I grew up as a Rams fan. Back in the day, they had a great running back on that team named Lawrence McCutcheon. Lawrence now works for the St. Louis Rams in their front office. He was a class guy, and I always liked him.

Like father, like son.

(originally posted 3-9-2007)

Update: Daylon, as of this date, hasn't returned to the NFL.

I'm Gonna Be Sick

Meet the Browns' new running back, Jamal Lewis. And what's making me sick? Here's a snippet from an article written about the signing:

"Two years ago, Lewis served time in prison after a guilty plea to using a cell phone to set up a drug buy."

What's worse is this punk wasn't sorry at all. He showed no remorse and basically felt that the government had set him up. We had jettisoned some unsavory characters out of Cleveland when G.M. Phil Savage took over and now this. Ugh.

I need a shower.

I will not root for this prick, even if he IS a member of the Browns now. I don't cheer for drug dealers.

(originally posted 3-7-2007)

Update: I still stand by this entry.

Don't You Hate The Lakers?

Truly, a representation of evil.

Don't you hate them? Seriously, the La La Land Lakers. Showtime. All that crap. You want the truth? Let's look back at some history.

You think Magic Johnson going there wasn't influenced by the NBA? Right, sure it wasn't.

Wilt Chamerlain going there? Figures.

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar ending up a Laker? No surprise. That franchise gets all the breaks.

Shaquille O'Neal? Of course he went there. They did what they always do: they went out and bought him. They've always bought their stars. They've always bought their championships.

Didn't you hate the 1972 team that won 33 in a row? Disgusting.

Didn't you root for the Celtics everytime they and the Lakers played in the Finals in the 80's, because you hated L.A. so fucking much?

What about Kobe? You have to hate him on every level. Selfish. And the Lakers managed a "trade" to bring him and his draft rights to L.A. Gee, nothing new there. Thanks a lot, league office.

Wasn't Kobe pouring in 80 points last year disgusting? What a fucking showboat. I'm surprised he didn't try for 100 to really show up the Mavericks.

Seriously, don't you hate 'em? Come on, admit it.

When they lost to the Detroit Pistons a few years ago, all anybody could talk about was whether Phil Jackson would be back. Yeah, Detroit wins the title and all the sports media wants to talk about is the fucking Lakers. That was total bullshit.

And the Shaq-Kobe feud? Talk about a soap opera! WHO CARES?

Don't you hate Laker fans?

The way that when anybody says anything bad about them, the fans hold out an invisible bag and say "I can't hear you. All these championship rings are making too much noise! Good thing YOUR team doesn't have that problem!".

Or how they complain that all their conference and championship banners are a fire hazard?

Yeah. Fourteen titles. That just makes everybody hate this team even more. If they ever surpass the Celtics' 16 titles--and let's face it, they WILL--we'll NEVER hear the end of it!

Don't you hate the way they consider L.A. to be the REAL home of the NBA Championship? How they consider any other team who wins the title to be "borrowing" it? Assholes.

How about the way they call "Sacramento" "Suck-ramento". Oh, THAT's mature.

And now that Shaq's gone, they have ANOTHER center ready to step up in Andrew Bynum! When will this ever end!?!?!?!?!?

And what ABOUT Shaq? He demands a trade after bringing them THREE titles in a row (wasn't that horrible?) and now some of them call him "Fatquille". WTF? Nice, huh?

And just to keep laying it on, the logo for the NBA was modeled after Jerry West! Don't you just HATE this team????

Don't you hate how all the celebrities go to the game, because it's the place to be? Doesn't Jack Nicholson yelling at the opposing coaches make you sick?

DON'T YOU JUST HATE THOSE FUCKING LAKERS?

Well, YOU might. I don't. In fact, I love them. And no doubt you saw THAT coming. Anyway, I've loved them since I was six. I love people hating our team like baseball fans hate the Yankees. I love how they broke Sacramento's heart so many times. I love how everybody cries that the Lakers "get all the calls", when in fact, they don't. I love rubbing my team's success in the faces of my friends in Cleveland and Atlanta. I love rooting for the bad guys.

And we ARE the bad guys. You love to hate us, and we love that hate. We love to take that hate and laugh at it. We love to laugh at other teams' misfortunes. We are the ultimate homers of the NBA. One of our guys could rent a jetski and go out and shoot dolphins and we'd defend him. He's one of ours. Fuck those dolphins, they had it coming!

I love writing about all of the complaints people have against this team and laughing at them. Yes, I am arrogant.

I am a Lakers fan.

Oh, one more thing....Suck it, Fatquille. I hope you paid for D'wayne Wade's chiropractic bills after the way he carried you to the title last year, bitch.

What? I TOLD you I was a Lakers fan!

(originally posted 1-15-2006)

A Humble Apology (Kinda, Sorta)

Jason says, "I want raw meat!"

You know how I said "elf porn" the other day? Yeah, well I googled the term. Over 1,940,000 results. I'll never say it again. I apologize to anyone who read it (including myself).

Then again, that hentai crap is really popular. Yeah, animated porn. Nice stuff there! What, human porn is too real for these people? If that's the case.....and you're loving hentai, or whatever it's called.....you've watched way too much porn. Let us never speak of it again.

Anyway, I saw that noted hedonist and Yankee star, Jason Giambi, was calling out Alex Rodriguez in Sports Illustrated. What the fuck? I don't want to hear anything from that former steroid guzzler. He's not fit to shine Rodriguez' shoes. Give me a break. He should give back that MVP he won while gulping down synthetics like they were Cheerios. I love the cover of SI a few years ago saying "How The Home Run Has Changed The Game". Yeah...the home run....that was it....

Months after he issued that b.s. apology--where he apologized for using steroids without actually admitting he used them--Jason was photographed wearing a shirt in Vegas that actually DID say "Better Living Through Chemistry". That was bright. Uh, what stays in Vegas.....? I'm kicking myself for not saving that photo when I came across it.

Hey, I'm glad party boy is off the juice. I'm glad he's healthy. And I'm glad he's playing well enough to stay in the big leagues. But people with no credibility shouldn't be yapping about people who DO have it.

I'll throw in one quote: "Alex doesn't know who he is. We're going to find out who he is in the next couple of months." And that was about the tamest quote, whatever it actually means. Trouble with that is we KNOW who Jason is and what he's done. Cheated. Like Bonds. Like McGuire. Like Sosa.

Allegedly. My bad.

In fifteen years, three words will separate Jason from Alex: Hall of Fame. And Jason ain't the one who'll go in. So Jason, shut the fuck up and go find yourself some elf.....oh, that's right....never mind.

(originally posted 9-21-2006)

Perspective

Sometimes you need a little dose of it.

I was pretty annoyed with how my boys in Cleveland blew the game today. They had it won and gave it away. I wasn't angry, just annoyed. The Ravens are an excellent team and we pushed them to the limit. Why us, though? Why do WE have to suck all the time? Why do things like this happen to OUR team????? Valid questions......

But then I heard about the QB for the Bucs, Chris Simms. Sometime during the game, his spleen was ruptured. The team figured he had injured his ribs, and he only missed two plays. After the game, he was rushed to the hospital and had emergency surgery to remove his spleen. And to top it off, he HAD injured his ribs as well earlier in the game and also had become dehydrated to the point where he needed an IV--that's when he missed the two plays.

The way our QB, Charlie Frye, was getting hit today, it easily could've been him. Or any quarterback, for that matter.

Some people have questioned Chris' toughness. I doubt THAT will continue after today. I've always liked Simms, and I always liked his dad, Phil. Good luck, Chris, and get better soon.

Yeah, we should've just kicked the field goal, taken the 3 points, and not try to score a touchdown on a pass that ended up getting intercepted. Yeah, we absolutely should've won. Horrible pass, and horrible play call. The Ravens should send our offensive coordinator a thank you card. He did his usual horrible job.

But I just don't feel that bad about the Browns losing anymore.

(originally posted 9-25-2006)

I Found It!

No, not my purpose in life. We all know that's a lost cause. I found the current version of Brownie The Elf. I knew I had the little bastard on my computer somewhere!

"My team bites!"

Shut up Brownie, you little bitch, or I'll send you to the North Pole to give Rudolph a hand job. Times are hard enough even without that kind of talk that! Maybe I'll just feed you to the badass bulldog!

You're a proud mascot, aren't you Mr. Bulldog? Want a Milkbone?

"Fuck you. Trade me to Minnesota!"

Listen assholes, you're MASCOTS. Try showing some fucking loyalty, you front running bastards! You know it's going to be a long season when the mascots want to be traded. Too bad. If I have to stay, YOU have to stay!

And I don't even WANT to hear from you, pal!

"I love you, you love me....."

Hey, elf porn!

(originally posted 9-18-2006)

Terrell Owens, Author

T.O. the AssHole has recently announced he would be writing a children's book. He's got a co-author to help him do such hard things as think and write. The book will be entitled "Little T Learns To Share". I really wish I were making this up. The book is about a little boy who realizes that he has to share his football with his friends if he actually wants to, you know, play football. I, for one, applaud T.O. If anybody should understand what it's like to be a miserable, selfish bastard, it's certainly him. It's nice that he wants children to grow up to be better than he is (yeah, big challenge THERE).

Anyway, I want to help T.O. with some suggestions for future books he might write.

"Little T Becomes A Little Locker Room Cancer";

"Little T Stabs Little Donovan In The Little Back":

"Little T Overdoses On Little Pain Medication";

"Little T Can't Play Nice With Other Little Children";

"Little T Shits On His Little Position Coach";

"Little T Shifts All The Blame Onto Others";

"Little T Gets Roasted By Little Eagle Fans";

"Little T Gets Round The Clock Coverage By Little ESPN";

"Little T Gives His Little Head Coach A Little Ulcer";

"Little T Can't Shut Up Even A Little";

"Little T Knows Drama Better Than Little TNT";

"Little T Whines His Way Out Of Little Philadelphia";

"Little T Sits On His Ass In Little Training Camp";

"Little T Jacks Off To His Own Little Picture";

"Little T Shreds His Quarterback In The Little Media";

"Little T Shoves His Head Up His Own Little Ass";

"Little T Loses His Little Perspective";

"Little T Demonstrates Sit Ups For Little Assholes";

"Little T Leaves His Career In Little San Francisco";

"Little T Explains Why It's All About Little HIM".

"Little T's Agent Says 'Next Little Question'";

"Little T Becomes A Self-Promoting And Self-Destructive Little Bastard";

"Little Coach Reid Tells Little T To Go Away".

"Little T Loves His Coke-Snorting Apologist, Little Michael Irvin";


(originally posted 10-16-06)

Laughing At The Tree

"My bark is worse than my bite!"

I WAS going to write and taunt fans of THE Ohio State about how my boys at USC would beat them in the championship game if they were to meet. But I'm not sure they would beat them and besides, what's more fun than laughing at the Stanford Mascot?

Oh please. Like I'm the first to make fun of this evil spawn of political correctness?

But fair is fair, and I offer something even dorkier than a tree. As a Browns fan, it pains me to do this, but......I present to you the Cleveland Browns elf. It's an early version, but close to what it looks like today. Personally, I prefer the bulldog, but hey, that's just me. And is this Snap, Crackle, or Pop?

"Go Buckeyes!"

Sorry Buckeye fans. That was wrong of me. Here's your REAL mascot!

"We hate Michigan for some reason!"


And here's ours.



"So noble, they named a condom after us!"

(originally posted 9-17-2006)

Federer Rules

Man, I'm still mad about that game.

Oh well. On to something better. Roger Federer winning the U.S. Open yesterday took a bit of the sting from the Cleveland Browns' impersonation of a group of girl scouts. And it was great seeing Sharapova win her 2nd slam. After Lindsay Davenport, Sharapova is a big favorite of mine.

I love Federer. Class guy, and what a game. It's a shame most people aren't paying attention to tennis. This guy will end up supassing Sampras' grand slam total if he keeps playing at this level. I guess we have to have obnoxious personalities like Connors and McEnroe playing to sell the game. That's a shame. I'd rather watch great tennis than some lunatic screaming at an official.

At least those of us who ARE watching know we're seeing history in the making. As for Roddick, I'm surprised he's even won one grand slam. Nothing against him, but his game is impossible to enjoy. It does look like Connors has improved has ground game and volley, though. But if your name isn't Nadal, you don't have a shot at beating Federer in a grand slam.

So it's nine grand slams and counting for Roger. Hopefully, we'll get a Federer-Nadal final in the Australian Open in January. Two great players, and two real gentlemen. I always root for Federer...but if Nadal wins, it's not exactly something that makes me cry.

You know, like my stupid football team. They've made me cry for 8 years.

And counting.

(originally posted 9-11-2006)

Open Letter To The Cleveland Browns

I guess I was a little upset when I wrote this after the opening game loss in 2006:

An Open Letter To The Cleveland Browns

Nice game assholes. At least we'll get the top pick in the 2007 draft.

Sincerely,

A Loyal Fan

P.S. Fuck you.

(originally posted 09-10-2006)

NFL Thoughts

1) Maurice Carthon is OUT as the Browns offensive coordinator as of today. He brought it on himself. Goofy trick plays that didn't work. Not allowing quarterbacks to audible--change the play call--at the line of ecrimmage if they saw the defense load up in the box. The lowest ranked offense in most categories in the AFC. Being such a arrogant putz to Trent Dilfer, we had no choice but to trade him to the 49'ers for Ken Dorsey and a 7th round pick. That fiasco at the end of the first half last year in Minnesota as he let time tick away at the end of the first half, even though he had a timeout available. Not playing Winslow on 3rd downs. Not playing 2006 draft picks Jerome Harrison or Travis Wilson. Trick passing plays on 3rd and inches.

So how DID Carthon get this job? He served as Parcells' offensive coordinator in Dallas. Parcells, however, didn't let him call the plays. That should tell you everything you need to know about his skill in this area. Carthon is extremely close friends with...drum roll please.....Browns head coach, Romeo Crennel. Crennel never should have hired him--at least in that capacity--but he did. And once he did, Crennel was in a horrible position. How do you fire a close friend? He should've asked himself that before he hired him.

Crennel stayed loyal and took a ton of flack for it. I respect that. What I don't respect is being subjected to this garbage for the past year and a half. I don't respect this crap of an offense I've seen for 21, 22 games. I don't respect an offense that can't muster a score until late in the 2nd quarter or the 2nd half. I don't respect the fact that Crennel said he was "bored" during the recent bye week and cleaned out his fucking basement. I don't respect the fact that Carthon didn't fall on the sword himself for his friend. I'm not saying Carthon doesn't have a place in this league. The former fullback has something to offer. Just not calling plays.

So why DID Crennel fire his buddy? Well....he didn't. And that's where the problems will start now. Browns owner Randy Lerner and general manager Phil Savage had simply seen enough. They pulled the trigger.

And now....no doubt there is a very unhappy head coach in Cleveland. Coaches in all sports don't like having ownership fire their coaches. It's okay if THEY do it, but when the front office steps in, they can't stand it. In most cases, I don't blame them. It really should be in their jurisdiction, so to speak. But if Romeo is pissed off enough to leave at the end of the season, I'll be more than happy to help him load up his U-Haul. This team has gotten considerably worse since last season, despite adding more talent and having Braylon Edwards and Kellen Winslow return. No, it's not a playoff team, but talent-wise, it isn't a 1 and 5 team either. Romeo can go back to walking Bill Billichek's dog in New England.

2) Bill Parcells has just created a mess. Tonight he benched Drew Bledsoe at halftime and put in the backup quarterback, Tony Romo. The fans cheered when this happened. They didn't cheer for long. On his first play, Romo went back to pass. It was batted at the line, intercepted, and returned for a touchdown. Romo might develop into a good NFL QB. But that offensive line couldn't protect Bledsoe, and it won't protect Romo. And despite stating he hasn't decided on a starting QB for next week, I can't see him going back to Bledsoe. He prefers Romo, and going back to Drew will do nothing but to divide the locker room even more. Parcells has thrown some gasoline onto an already existing QB controversy. Good luck if he expects an inexperienced QB to take them to the playoffs. Romo isn't Tom Brady. Should be an interesting season in Cowboy land.

3) I'd be shocked if Denny Green is still the head coach by the end of the season in Arizona. The Cardinals lost to the last winless team yesterday, the Raiders. If this team hasn't quit on Green yet, they soon will. I wouldn't blame them, either. Who fucking needs a head coach who pissed away the Chicago game and then threw them to the wolves? Blow off, Denny. I'm embarrasssed to admit that I actually used to like this jerk. Oh, the offensive coordinator he fired last Tuesday has filed a grievance to collect the rest of his contract. I hope he wins it.

4) A 62 yard field goal for Tampa Bay's Mike Bryant? And it looked like it could've gone 66 yards. Unreal.

5) Back to my team. Cornerback Gary Baxter blew the patallar tendon in his knee yesterday. Both of his knees. Is this team cursed or what????? How the fuck do you rehab something like THAT when both your knees are injured? I wouldn't expect him back till 2008. I've always liked Baxter, so I hope his rehab goes well.

6) The fact that a team can lose a game in overtime without touching the ball on offense is an absolute joke. College football decides overtime games much better.

7) Shawne Merriman, San Diego Chargers linebacker, has tested postive for steroids. He's been suspended for four games, pending his appeal. Of course, I'm sure it was a supplement like he's claiming. Yeah, a supplement. Uh huh. coughcoughbullshitcoughcough.

Update: Yeah, I think I just might've been wrong about the whole Tony Romo thing. Hey, I never said that I was Miss Cleo.


(originally posted 10-24-2006)