Colin CowherdMy absolute favorite radio sports show host, Colin Cowherd, got himself into some trouble last week. I actually listened to this incident while Mrs. Owl and I drove up Northern Georgia last Thursday.
Anyway, ESPN's "ombudsman", Le Anne Something or other came out with this statement. I'm a hopeless shill for Cowherd--I love the guy. But let's allow Le Anne the time to talk. Of course, I shall interrupt her several times.
Cowherd's 'attack' on blog: 'Zero tolerance'
Shortly after introducing myself to ESPN's audience in my first column Thursday, I checked the ombudsman's mailbag. It was jammed with dozens of messages of outraged complaint against ESPN Radio's Colin Cowherd, who had called on his listeners that afternoon to shut down an Internet site by flooding it with visitors beyond the capacity of its bandwidth.
Dozens? Cwherd's show is listened to by millions. Wow, we got a crisis.
The "random site" he chose to attack was thebiglead.com, a sports blog that is sometimes unmercifully critical of ESPN. "We shut it down in 90 seconds," Cowherd boasted on air. "We don't even know thebiglead." After a bit more gloating, he said "We apologize -- but just don't screw with us." Then he asked his listeners to "knock it out again, just for fun." The attack launched over the airwaves by Cowherd kept thebiglead.com shut down for more than 48 hours.
oating? He wasn't gloating. He was fucking around, but not gloating. And if you had actually takenany fucking time to listen to Cowherd's other broadcasts, you would probably realize that his "don't screw with us" quote was said IN JEST. Actually, you probably just read the transcripts and didn't bother to actually listen to a tape of the show.
Some of the politer terms my correspondents used to describe Cowherd's behavior were immature, irresponsible, arrogant, malicious, destructive and dumb. I agree.
Nobody fucking cares if you agree or not.
The official response from ESPN's communication department was: "Our airwaves should not be used for this purpose. We apologize." It is the kind of bland public statement that does little to assuage the anger and distrust of ESPN's audience over an episode like this.
"Assuage"? Word of the day toilet paper, I guess. Mizz Pompous needs to understand one thing: ESPN, hello, apologized.
I could not tell from that statement how seriously ESPN regarded the offense, so I contacted Traug Keller, senior vice president, ESPN Radio, to get a clearer idea of ESPN's reaction.
Um, you couldn't? ESPN never apologizes for anything. If they do, it's obvious that they're taking this seriously.
Keller responded immediately to my request for an on-the-record statement. "We talked to Colin Cowherd, and we talked to all our radio talent, making it clear that you cannot do this," Keller said Friday. "Our airwaves are a trust, and not to be used to hurt anyone's business. Such attacks are off limits. Zero tolerance. I can't say it any stronger."
Keller said that he had not formulated a policy about such attacks on Internet sites until now because he had never imagined the possibility of them.
I appreciated Keller's quick, forthright response.
You you you you you you you you.........
Now that ESPN Radio has such a policy, I presume such attacks will be treated as an offense that warrants suspension. In determining penalties for his airwave players, perhaps Keller should exchange notes with NBA commissioner David Stern and NFL commissioner Roger Goodell.
WHAT? Yeah, what Cowherd did is right along the lines of what NBA and NFL criminals do. Yeah, that was as bad as selling drugs, hording guns, public intoxication, drunk driving, and beating the snot out of your wife.
Okay. What kind of scary ass moral barometer do YOU abide by, Le Anne?
This is not the planned second posting I mentioned at the end of Thursday's introductory column. That will come later this week.
Goody. I can't wait to not read it.
But I'm not a negative person. In fact, I'd like to help her out by pointing out some instances that should raise her moral outrage.
Asshole appears on Dan Patrick's ESPN radio show. Last year, some emailers took issue with some things he said on his television show, "Countdown", which appears on another network. Keith doesn't like criticism and threw in phrases like "you don't know you're asshole from your elbow," and "go fuck your mother" when he responded.
Now I'm sure Le Anne would say, "Oh, that's related to 'Countdown' and not us." Uh, that would be bullshit, but okay. How about Keith calling the owner of the NHL's Carolina Hurricanes a "douche bag"? THAT was on Patrick's show.
ESPN did nothing. Step up to the plate, Le Anne. Or is there a statute of limitations on moral outrage?
What about the time Jim Rome urged his listeners to go to an anti-Ashlee Simpison website so many times they shut THAT down? Sure, Rome's radio show isn't part of ESPN, but his shitty television show is. Where's the outrage? Oh that's right--this shallow asshole is one of ESPN's golden boys. He also couldn't shine Cowherd's shoes.
I heard no apologies--or explanations--for the brief suspension of NFL analyst Sean "I hate the Browns" Salisbuy (rumor has it that he took pictures of his pecker and showed them to some female employees). In fact, ESPN never even mentioned that Salisbury was gone. Go figure.
What about the time then-NFL analyst Michael Irvin was caught with drug paraphenalia?
Or when he shot his mouth off about Dallas QB Tony Romo's athletic ability? He said Romo's great great grandmother must've "snuck into the barn with a slave".
You know. Because a white guy with any athleticism must have SOME black blood running through his veins. Irvin was never sanctioned and allowed to work until his contract ran out. Then his services--horrible as they are/were--were not "retained". How convienent.
I'm not an OSU fan (like I even needed to say that), but I was on their side during THIS mess.
Back in 2004, former OSU running back Maurice Clarette levelled serious accusations against the university he had attended for one year. There were hard feelings between Clarette and OSU.
ESPN The Horrible Magazine reporter, Tom Friend, didn't feel that Maurice's possible motivation should be factored in and wrote his article about this huge scandal at OSU. He was serving as Maurice's mouthpiece and publicizing tons of wild accusations. I guess a malcontent who had already been busted for attempted insurance fraud was a good source, huh?
ESPN television and radio gave this "story" hours and hours of coverage. They beat OSU down like a rug.
So the NCAA came down and did it's own investigation. And believe me, if the NCAA is in your office and you've done something wrong, you're fucked. Several months later, OSU was found guilty.
Of two minor rules infractions.
No retractions. No mention of this from any ESPN media outlet.
Okay, Le Anne. Right this injustice and rip ESPN for this. NOW.
Oh, and Tom Friend, worthless piece of trash that he is, often appears on Rome's television show.
Water seeks its own level, right?
Utter nonsense. And really, that's what the whole concept of an "ombudsman" is. "I'm on YOUR side, even though I'm getting paid by the offending company". By definition, it's a public relations role and nothing more. An ombudsman's objectivity doesn't exist. It can't.
So spare me your bullshit moral outrage, lady. Until you're ready to really confront some issues that ESPN has covered up, ignored and swept under the rug, I don't want to hear it.
Why don't you criticize your predecessor for not bringing up these prior issues? Why don't you bring them up yourself? Oh, I know this is only her 2nd column, but she'll never address them. ESPN won't allow it.
Funny that she never mentioned that this is the only time Cowherd has gotten into this type of mess. I know that to judge him from this one incident would be an injustice. He's truly the anti-thesis of the normal big mouths like Rome that pollute our airwaves. He's an excellent interviewer and simply puts on the best show in the business.
Now Cowher is justifably a target. I make no excuses for this. He messed up. I understand this. It's just a shame he was the only target of Le Anne Whatshername's indignation.
And not the most deserving one at that.
(originally posted 4-10-2007)
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