Don't You Hate The Lakers?

Truly, a representation of evil.

Don't you hate them? Seriously, the La La Land Lakers. Showtime. All that crap. You want the truth? Let's look back at some history.

You think Magic Johnson going there wasn't influenced by the NBA? Right, sure it wasn't.

Wilt Chamerlain going there? Figures.

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar ending up a Laker? No surprise. That franchise gets all the breaks.

Shaquille O'Neal? Of course he went there. They did what they always do: they went out and bought him. They've always bought their stars. They've always bought their championships.

Didn't you hate the 1972 team that won 33 in a row? Disgusting.

Didn't you root for the Celtics everytime they and the Lakers played in the Finals in the 80's, because you hated L.A. so fucking much?

What about Kobe? You have to hate him on every level. Selfish. And the Lakers managed a "trade" to bring him and his draft rights to L.A. Gee, nothing new there. Thanks a lot, league office.

Wasn't Kobe pouring in 80 points last year disgusting? What a fucking showboat. I'm surprised he didn't try for 100 to really show up the Mavericks.

Seriously, don't you hate 'em? Come on, admit it.

When they lost to the Detroit Pistons a few years ago, all anybody could talk about was whether Phil Jackson would be back. Yeah, Detroit wins the title and all the sports media wants to talk about is the fucking Lakers. That was total bullshit.

And the Shaq-Kobe feud? Talk about a soap opera! WHO CARES?

Don't you hate Laker fans?

The way that when anybody says anything bad about them, the fans hold out an invisible bag and say "I can't hear you. All these championship rings are making too much noise! Good thing YOUR team doesn't have that problem!".

Or how they complain that all their conference and championship banners are a fire hazard?

Yeah. Fourteen titles. That just makes everybody hate this team even more. If they ever surpass the Celtics' 16 titles--and let's face it, they WILL--we'll NEVER hear the end of it!

Don't you hate the way they consider L.A. to be the REAL home of the NBA Championship? How they consider any other team who wins the title to be "borrowing" it? Assholes.

How about the way they call "Sacramento" "Suck-ramento". Oh, THAT's mature.

And now that Shaq's gone, they have ANOTHER center ready to step up in Andrew Bynum! When will this ever end!?!?!?!?!?

And what ABOUT Shaq? He demands a trade after bringing them THREE titles in a row (wasn't that horrible?) and now some of them call him "Fatquille". WTF? Nice, huh?

And just to keep laying it on, the logo for the NBA was modeled after Jerry West! Don't you just HATE this team????

Don't you hate how all the celebrities go to the game, because it's the place to be? Doesn't Jack Nicholson yelling at the opposing coaches make you sick?

DON'T YOU JUST HATE THOSE FUCKING LAKERS?

Well, YOU might. I don't. In fact, I love them. And no doubt you saw THAT coming. Anyway, I've loved them since I was six. I love people hating our team like baseball fans hate the Yankees. I love how they broke Sacramento's heart so many times. I love how everybody cries that the Lakers "get all the calls", when in fact, they don't. I love rubbing my team's success in the faces of my friends in Cleveland and Atlanta. I love rooting for the bad guys.

And we ARE the bad guys. You love to hate us, and we love that hate. We love to take that hate and laugh at it. We love to laugh at other teams' misfortunes. We are the ultimate homers of the NBA. One of our guys could rent a jetski and go out and shoot dolphins and we'd defend him. He's one of ours. Fuck those dolphins, they had it coming!

I love writing about all of the complaints people have against this team and laughing at them. Yes, I am arrogant.

I am a Lakers fan.

Oh, one more thing....Suck it, Fatquille. I hope you paid for D'wayne Wade's chiropractic bills after the way he carried you to the title last year, bitch.

What? I TOLD you I was a Lakers fan!

(originally posted 1-15-2006)